7.17.2015

faking fitness









Here is a thing people do in the summer instead of actual fun stuff: work on their fitness. Gyms fill up, sneakers are dragged out of hiding, and the muscle tanks are pulled on. Here is a thing people also do: worry about how much more other people appear to be working out.

Don't do that.
 
 Here are some very handy tips on how to fake fitness, as illustrated in the photos above:

1. First, don some cute workout gear. Mine is Adidas NEO. (Also make sure you are wearing the wrong footwear.) Then find a public place with other vaguely fit people milling about doing sports and whatnot.

2. Be slightly glowing already (or if you sweat, that's okay too) and lean up against walls looking like you might have just run a bit of a half marathon.

3. Get your hair in order. Make a big show of nailing the perfect messy bun for your obviously rigorous routine.

4. Boxing is easy to fake. Bounce around a bit, pretend to punch some things. Make sure you have semi-decent form so you don't look ridiculous, but don't look serious enough that someone challenges you to a fight (especially if you're holding your arms as I am demonstrating, as you will get properly thrashed.)

5.  Appear to stretch intensively every ten minutes or so, as the chances are people are rotating, and this is the easiest way to pass time without actually putting up much effort.

6. Do some poses that might be yoga, but could also maybe be more stretching. Tai chi? Who knows.


7. Show off your guns. If you believe, so will everyone else.

Not even joking, people in the park thought I knew what I was doing. I was asked if I was a fitness blogger, which is making me question every fitness blogger I've ever seen doing a handstand on instagram.

Seriously though: it's summer, and, as my friends at Adidas NEO like to say: #NOWISEVERYTHING. (hashtag and all) You only get a few beautiful weeks of the best part of the year. Don't spend your summer worrying if doing 600 more squats will make it better. Go have fun, explore, spend time with your homies.

 Or if you're really attached to the whole work out thing: drag them to a park and at least have them photograph you for instagram. 

x J

pps. I honestly have no clue what I'm doing so please don't injure yourself trying to copy me.



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8 comments:

  1. Even if I am going to painfully attempt to exercise I feel that at least looking sporty instantly makes me feel like I got this! Plus it is hella comfy to wear.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This gave me a good laugh, oh dear wow.
    I need to do this, so people will stop trying to get me into their fitness groups.!!

    lycanter.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I really like your sportsy outfit and the pictures turned out really nice (:

    ReplyDelete
  4. ahahaaha oh gosh this made me laugh. i think i need to do this one day! (one day, because I am THAT lazy even faking being fit is too much for me)..;)
    new follower right here!

    Hawwa
    www.hawwaetc.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gorgeous ! a simple combination that results very well !
    ブランド服
    ブランド靴

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nice pictures, and I love the humor.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ahaha love this post, made me laugh but at the same time some great tips!!

    http://catrionaar.blogspot.ie/

    ReplyDelete

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Just remember:

If you're mean, I'll track you down and replace all your shoes with those hideous white tennis things that are so popular among the very sad.